#keep getting jumpscared via onedrive pulling the ole 'this day in 202X'
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#cw// ed#keep getting jumpscared via onedrive pulling the ole 'this day in 202X'#like what do you mean i looked like THAT#i am simultaneously revolted and upset/sad that i feel that way#i think of my past self with ao much compassion like no she did not deserve that#but current me deserves to die one million agonizing deaths#but i digress.#i was recently subjected to a pic of myself at my highest weight probably ever and i did not recognize myself for a sec.#idk. so weird how ive lost enough to be the same size i was in hs and having to buy a whole new pant wardrobe#and i am still not happy still not satisfied but what is the Point if i can never be happy???#i was thinking about the ever present question of 'what comes next' and tbh i still believe that if i am small enough#then i will be happy and my brain will magically fix itself and i will be universally loved and admired#and seen but in the way i want to be seen.#so basically have everything and everyone under my control#which is never gonna fucking happen!! but how the fuck do i get away from this idea??#anyway. i am still super anxious but if i take another prn ill pass out before finishing my Tasks
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